And that's why I mostly follow and reblog blogs that are encouraging and make a smile on your face. I also TRY to think and act positive, but it's hard. And here's why:
I've once had a job that I've kept for almost 6 years. I gave my heart and soul in to that small little business for that long. My bosses and my co-workers were my extended family, and we left work everyday knowing that we did our very best. It brought up my confidence, socially and that was VERY important to me. Being able to talk to different people everyday while making small, meaningful relationships with customers meant a lot to me. We were a small business, so there was an underlying unique spirit that we had that held us together and gave us just enough strength to wake up and head to work by 6am.
It was a job. And with that, the perks of paying my own way, all the way with nobody's help but my own insured me with content. But not overall happiness, since that job was literally everything I had while school at a local community college was at the back burner of my "5-year plan" stovetop.
But unfortunately for a small business, it doesn't always last. The city that I was working in had better plans for our space (a gym) so were kicked to the curb. All my (our) hard work was pulverized and disintegrated, much like how our old store ended up. Just like that; never to be remembered or refurbished and there was nothing I could do about it.
Ironically enough, we officially closed our store on Halloween of 2013. I said my goodbyes to my old regular customers and colleagues, and just headed home. I dressed up as a Day of the Dead Sugar Candy skull just to keep the spirit up. I bought cookies and cupcakes and passed them out like candy (oh, and we also had candy). As I washed the makeup off my face, I washed away my identity as being an employed, self-sufficient human being. And the insured content I had was gone. I became depressed. Along with that, I was living with my family who had expectations and personalities that were sometimes hard to work around on. But lucky for me, they were (and still are) somewhat sensitive to my place in life as of now.
For the next few months, I literally just lingered around our house trying to do or find something productive to do. I tried (still trying) to find a job. I still had school. And thank goodness for financial aid. One day, during my Fall semester, I decided to look through my transcript. Low and behold, I saw that I was on time to transfer to my dream university. So I talked to my mom about the opportunity and she gave me the green light to pursue my degree. I wanted to talk to my mom because, well, she's mom. I wanted and needed that "parental acceptance" again. We don't always see eye to eye, but I appreciate those kinds of moments with her. Just as long as I still have those moments with her, our fair relationship as mother and daughter will hold. So i shifted my energy to school, I was motivated to get to that next level I was longing for since I graduated high school, many, many years ago.
February of this year, I received my provisional acceptance to SJSU, on Valentines Day. Funny how the two, recent major moments in my life were on Halloween and Valentine's Day. I've never felt so...accomplished in my 25 years of life. I was determined to pass my remaining classes and graduate CC to move on. And I did. When I graduated, I realized that it only gets better. When one door closes, another will open. It just takes patience and reassurance that it will happen. I finally experienced what it was like to be so genuinely happy that it felt like a dream. I was among a plethora of students from different life backgrounds that were awaiting for that next step in life in doing something that they want to put their heart and soul in to.
I'm now 23 days away in to starting university, establishing new relationships, and continuing to self-grow. And I couldn't be happier.
There are days when it can get frustrating due to family issues and my mental state of mind. And who doesn't have that? That's LIFE. Everybody goes through their tough situations in a different way. So it's easier said than done to drop it and keep going. But at the same time, it's not impossible to do that. People like me who are in similar situations just go through progress slower than most, and that's fine. I just have to keep on going, absorb positive signs in any which way they come and look forward to tomorrow.
I'm never going to say that I'm better off now than before because that's not fair to say. I know there are more people out there who are going through more than I am right now or I ever have in life. And I just want to say to them too that I have your back. It does get better.
Positivity may seem inanimate. You may not grasp it with your hands, hold it in your arms, or kiss it with your lips. It's a spirit that lives in all of us that can be awaken and kept. We just need to realize that we have it and using it will make a world of a difference.
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